Khloe Kardashian Revenge Body Image Extreme Weight Loss

$ 10.99

5 (387) In stock

6 reasons not to tune in to Khloe Kardashian's new show.
3. Unless you really, really like Khloe Kardashian, you’ll be bored to sobs.

The only difference between this and every single other weight-loss reality show is the Khloe factor. About 20-25% of each episode is devoted to reminding you that Khloe Kardashian is a very big deal. There are long, documentary-style shots of her stepping onto the set and adjusting herself in her seat, getting ready to interview subjects. I’m serious, we’re supposed to be thrilled at the sight of her sitting (just like us!!!).

Before meeting her, cast members stand around freaking out about the fact that they’re about to meet Khloe Kardashian. (“It was just one of those moments that you never forget in your life,” Will says.) In theory, she’s meant to be sitting down with cast members to talk about their story, but a good portion of this interview is about how much they love her and how amazing she is and how real she is and how she is just, so, I can’t even, she’s so beautiful.

“So, why are you here today?” Khloe asks Will. She does let him speak for a minute, during which time his actual human emotions come through again, as he says, “When I met Kyle, I found more than what I already had. I didn’t know there was more. He changed my life.”

But of course, this is really all about Khloe. “I really know exactly how you feel,” she replies. “I know you don’t think I do — but I do.” Will is still crying, by the way.
4. No one here is a role model.

We know these shows are all about appearance, but they all proclaim to be about “getting healthy” and “being self-confident.” We’re supposed to relate to the subjects when they hate themselves (because we hate ourselves, too!) and then be inspired when they hit their goal weight and everything in their life suddenly changes for the way, way better. But there are no role models here.

The second cast member we meet is Stephanie, who describes herself as the DUFF in her friend group.

“What is a ‘DUFF’?” Khloe asks, after Stephanie concludes her (presumably) contractually obligated freak-out over Khloe Kardashian and how amazing she is.

“The Designated Ugly Fat Friend,” Stephanie replies.

“Okay, that’s really fucked up,” says Khloe, in what may be the only lucid moment in this entire godforsaken series.

Because it is fucked up. We see Stephanie hanging out with her lithe, blonde pack of girlfriends, describing herself as ugly and thus unlikeable. They take selfies and criticize her body and clothing. While getting dressed to go out, they look at her dress and say, “I think it’s too tight on your stomach,” and, “You really have, like, a shape.” Stephanie totally agrees, and helpfully spends the rest of the night holding a jacket in front of her stomach, lest she cause offense.

Look, if Stephanie wants to lose weight, okay. But that’s not the solution here. The solution is losing these terrible friends. Stephanie needs to meet new people, not please the shitty people she’s surrounded by. The same goes for Will. Losing weight isn’t going to un-break his heart and make his ex-boyfriend move back in. If Kyle would literally be willing to break the lease on his new apartment, lose his security deposit, pack up all his stuff for the second time in a year, and move back in just because Will lost 40 pounds — then Will has way bigger problems.
6. Your body is not a weapon.

Finally, it’s the entire premise of this show that makes it so unbelievably wrong. “Who do you want to get revenge on?” Khloe asks her subjects. Stephanie wants to get back at her mean friends, and Will wants to get back at his boyfriend. But neither of these situations really calls for vengeance so much as leaving behind the people that hurt you and moving on with your life. I understand that Moving On With Your Life Body isn’t quite so catchy a title, but your body is not an instrument of vengeance.

Perhaps that’s why Will and Stephanie’s respective stories end with such anti-climaxes that I found myself kind of embarrassed for both of them. In the grand tradition of weight-loss shows, Revenge Body concludes with a “big reveal.” Stephanie throws a pool party and shows up in a two-piece bathing suit. There, she intends to confront her meanest friend, and, uh, just really get back at her by, you know, being in a bikini. The big showdown, of course, is just an awkward talk between women who don’t really like each other. It’s the same talk we’ve all had when running into someone we’re not really friends with anymore at a cocktail party. Except in swimsuits.

Will’s throws a cocktail party, hoping that Kyle will show up and, I guess, just burst into tears or propose. As ever, the revenge plan is a lot more exciting than the actual execution. I mean, this is a reality show, but Will’s relationship was real. Would you actually want your recent ex-boyfriend to turn up at the fake party you threw just for him, and then have the entire thing broadcast on E!? I’m fairly certain that if Kyle had actually shown up, then Will would have been the one to burst into tears. I’m telling you, people: THERAPY.

This is the only redeeming quality Revenge Body has going for it, and it’s entirely unintentional. This show underscores just how un-life-changing weight-loss really is. Neither Will nor Stephanie are transformed by working out and eating foods that “had a life.” They seem fine at the end, but they were fine to begin with. They were just going through totally ordinary, crummy phases of life: hurt, heartbreak, and insecurity. There is no escaping these things, and there’s no one to blame them on. Not even Kyle.